The 'THEM' Bug

LOCAL DERBY TIME – The ‘THEM’ Bug?

My earliest memory of a local derby was when I was young lad of 6 years old. Instead of working on ‘Busy at Maths’ as was the norm for a Friday afternoon we were made put away the textbooks and asked to make green and white flags using crayons and A3 paper. What a bonus, no maths! We created a monster green and white collage which Miss hung on the window for the passing world to see. It wasn't until the bell rang to signal the end of the school day that one of the girls finally asked the obvious question ‘Why?’ The answer was delivered with unerring precision – “Because WE are playing THEM Saturday night.” It wasn't until a few years later that I fully understood the tone, execution and delivery of that answer. What made it even more intriguing was that our teacher wasn't even from here, she was a ‘blow-in’ as such with very limited GAA knowledge but she had contracted ‘the BUG’.

GAA rivalry is a unique and utterly gripping experience which we, if we are lucky enough, get a taste of every year through some colossal inter-county battles. Championship buzz goes up a notch or two when Cork are playing Kerry in a sun soaked Killarney. However, take a local derby in championship between two neighboring villages and you will see even more passion, even more boisterous opinions and additional aggression not just from fans but from a whole community. Everyone becomes involved.

There is no passiveness or sitting on the fence in these situations, it is your village and your community against the neighbours or ‘THEM’. Nostalgia will be to the fore in the run-in and reality and facts gets lost in the hyperbole and hysteria of the game. The mantra of never let the truth get in the way of a good story is to the forefront and former players become legends for a week or two in which they bask in. 

As a player, when it comes to playing your fiercest rival in a winner takes all championship encounter in the heat of summer the sun, after 55 training sessions, 8 league games, 3 missed stag parties and 1 increasingly frustrated partner later it becomes a good deal more than just a game – it becomes everything and you will give everything and more to be a winner.  

But what about those outside the fence? What impact do these battles have on them? On match day do they feel the same emotions and feelings as the players that are out in the heat of battle? The answer is quite simply YES. Today, I examiner the various strains of ‘the BUG’ and how it impacts on the everyday normal life of members of the community in advance of playing ‘THEM’.   

1.       The Benign Strain – Two dairy farmers at the local agricultural store

A chance meeting between two auld pals at the Co-op in town. It’s been a few years since they last bumped into each other and they start chatting like they were best pals. They talk about the long stretch in the evenings, the temperamental weather being experienced at the moment, the price of diesel and oil, the water charges, the price of the toll on the motorway and they even give the Late Late show a passing mention. Both men have little or no interest in GAA let alone having a conversation around it. Interestingly though they finish off with one line which shows that they have contracted the minor strain of the BUG……..‘I hear our lot are playing ye’r lot this weekend, I might see you at it’ to which Paddy replies ‘you might’. Not fanatics, not even fans but both men will be there this weekend and both men will take great pride if we can get one over on ‘THEM’.

2.       The Involvement by Association Strain - Ladies at the local shop

It’s Thursday evening and Mary has no bread for the supper. She pops down to the local shop where she picks up a nice fresh loaf and while she is there picks up a copy of the local newspaper and a pint of milk. On her way out she bumps into Betty. Their sons went to primary and secondary school together and they exchange the usual pleasantries before the talk of the weekend derby comes up. Both their sons are on the panel for Sunday, but only one of them a regular starter. They talk of contrasting emotions in both house during the week. Mary notes that she has never seen her son so worked up and nervous about the game while Betty mentions that her son Kevin is cool, calm and collected unlike herself who has is a bag of nerves (she plays bingo with ‘THEM’ on a Tuesday evening). While Mary doesn’t say it she knows that Kevin isn’t within an ass’s roar of the starting team and it’s easy for him to be like that. Both women have ‘the BUG’ but in very different ways.

3.       The Consistent Supporter Strain - The back of mass brigade

The Sunday morning of the game they’ll congregate at the back. This will be a more important ceremony than Christmas or Easter to most of them. The priest makes reference to the game in his opening , a little bit of banter from padre when he suggested the church coffers would be in a much healthier state were we to play ‘THEM’ every week. Even he is not safe from ‘the BUG’. This is the last the lads will hear from him as they launch into their own pre-game analysis that wouldn't be out of place on the Sunday Game. The hand shake has the impact of cooling matters down for a few minutes as matters become slightly heated when discussing the starting line-up. They all leave at communion to talk, only a slight octave higher, outside the front door. The impact of ‘the BUG’ is quite clear when they go home.  They’ll be asked by their respective Partners what happened at mass to which they’ll reply ‘the priest said we’re going to win’.

4.       The Hidden Agenda Strain - The outsider who married in

‘The Bug’ is very obvious at this stage. Sean won three county medals in his time playing GAA……but all with ‘THEM’. He met a nice local girl while studying Arts in UCC and low and behold the rest is history. They now live locally and their kids go to the local national school. Despite at the time it giving him a pain in his gut they also play with the local GAA team where he is now a coach with the UNDER 12’S. 95% of the time he will support local but not this weekend. He grew up as one of ‘THEM’, he played as one of ‘THEM’ he still drinks with ‘THEM’ and in this local derby he is one of ‘THEM’. He keeps his cool when discussing the game with the locals, trying not to give much away but he is as passionate now as he was when he celebrated the winning point in the last competitive meeting between the sides 10 years ago. A Legend………….but not in this town!!

5.       The Fanatical Strain - The Never miss a challenge match supporter

If a game was fixed for the side of a mountain on the back road to Kenmare from Cork in the middle

Of the night during a hurricane, good old Jamsie would be there roaring on the boys and reporting back to the village when he finally made his way home. Dedication is his middle name and this game is his World Cup Final. He replays every kick of the ball between the two clubs in the 1970 divisional final and he was selector the year the clubs played out three replays in the blistering summer of 1995. He talks about the victories like they were in the top 5 moments of his life but he never mentions the defeats, they still hurt. He’ll proudly take his position long before the teams make their way out for the warm up and will be wearing a splash of green and white in case anyone was in any doubt about who he was supporting. It is the clearest strain of ‘the BUG’ as any talk of ‘THEM’ will get him worked up and agitated but when he calms down her will talk full of passion, raw emotion and will have yarns about classic encounters going back years.

As a player, the feeling of playing in a local derby is something special. As a supporter, the feeling is no different.  

Commencement of League action 2015

While the inter-county football leagues commenced earlier this month, this weekend saw many Senior, Intermediate and Junior county/divisional leagues get going across the country for 2015. It's the culmination of hard 4-6 weeks of hard and uncompromising work in the gym/field. It is an opportunity for management, new or recurring, to get a good look at how their team is shaping up for the year ahead, players will get to test themselves in a competitive encounter and supporters finally get the opportunity to voice their opinions and back them up with cold hard facts, well facts as they see them anyway. High on the 'watch-list' for most will be the usual foes of discipline, fitness, age and reputations but now we are also seeing topics such as training methods and the black card dominate the league opener build up.  

So sit back, relax and enjoy a lighter look at some of the cliches provided by Players, Management and Supporters before, during and after the opening round of league encounters and the difference between what is said and what the reality really is......

1. Players

The Huddle - Epicenter for some  of the most  rousing
speeches in the history of the GAA

"We've trained hard and put in the yards in the wind, rain and snow so let's do ourselves justice today"

There will always be one player who hasn't trained, has not put in the hard yards but has spent many evenings in front of a warm cosy fire watching Corrie nursing an un-diagnosed 'injury' while the rest of the panel battled war-zone like conditions for the past few weeks. He will still start and will probably will be the one most likely to come out with this gem to distasteful glances from the numbers 16 to 22. 

"let's work hard for each other today boys, support and encourage each other even when mistakes are made" 

The whistle blows, the ball is thrown in and the game is on. The tall lanky #9 bats it down to his midfield compadre, who neatly sends a hand pass to the eager on-coming wing back who attempts to play an audacious outside of the right foot 50/50 ball into the still half asleep full forward who is beaten easily in battle with his direct opponent, who in turn motors on and sets up a counter attack. What will be hurled in the direction of the wing back will have parents blocking their children's ears - support and encouragement sentiments are quickly forgotten as that counter attack leads to concession of an early score. Also see - "let's keep it simple for the start and settle into the game" and "right options at the right time"

    

Full backs taking the law into their own hands 

 "We need to put down an early marker"

 Ah yes, the classic pre-match huddle statement from the larger than life full-back who has seen it and done it all before. There is a stark difference between the 'marker' he speaks of and what one of the fresh younger lads thinks. One of them is thinking scores and making an impression while helping the team come away with a valuable, confidence boosting win while the other one is thinking of playing skittles with any 'marker' that tries to pass him.

"Where's the cover!!!! They're coming right through the middle"

It's not been a good start and the two midfielders are baying for the ref to blow the half time whistle. Another score before half time would be great but a loose pass in front of goal leads to a breakdown in the attack and in less time than you can sat '"I was bloody free" to your team mate, another score is on the board for the opposition. Then comes this plea from the full back line. It falls on deaf ears as both midfielders are still catching their breath at the other end of the field arguing about who is supposed to be the 'holding' midfielder. 

"See you for the United game at 4 down the local?"

It's very rare that a player who was skinned alive, gets his name taken by the ref and ends up being taken off at half time comes out with this one. No No, it's usually the games MVP who invites everyone for a few pints as he looks for an audience to discuss his 2-3 from play. 

2. Management

Friends with no one on the field

"We'll need our 15 on the field against this shower to have any chance today"

Focused with squinted eyes as he goes into American Sniper mode searching out the culprit who racked up 6 yellow cards, 3 black cards and a red last year. Finally finding his target he locks in and stares his target down before taking aim in the nicest possible way by firing this beauty. He quickly follows it up with another...... "I'm not directing this at you by any means, this goes for everyone". You'd be forgiven for laughing. 

"it's all about the performance, don't mind about the result today. Championship is our focus"

Management is a funny game so it is. Win and you are the toast of the village, lose and you're not overly concerned by 'the league'. I don't think I've ever met a player who has gone out to lose a game and with performance usually comes results. They are intrinsically linked. For example, if anyone in finance told their manager that they were working hard but not able to balance the books each month but were confident of having it right at year end then I'm sure that he wouldn't bee too secure in his role of looking after the books. Despite what is said, management are all too well aware of this. 

"We're still in this, an early score and we'll be right back into this"

It hasn't gone to plan and the halftime scoreline doesn't make for pretty reading. 0-7 down, after playing with the wind, the driving rain and the infamous hill and the players trundle in weary, down and defeated. This is where management earn their salt. An early score is all they ask for and everyone leaves with a renewed sense of optimism - well that is until the wind stiffens and we concede 1-2 in the first three plays of the 2nd half. 

"give it 5 more minutes, we'll take you off then"

This is the universal signal for you're not coming off, man up and keep going until the end you lazy sod. You might have been the fittest on the panel 10 years ago but old age is starting to creep up on you. Your last effort from the 21 yard line dropped short into the goalkeepers hands of all places and you stood and watched as your direct opponent took off up the field, like you used to be able to do. These words of encouragement from the sideline give you a little boost so with that you make one more run for a ball which is intercepted. I'm done you decide and trudge off to the sideline and substitute yourself. You'll have better days. 

"We've got to train harder, we weren't at the races today"

At this stage it's best for everyone he doesn't find out about the 21st we were all at last night. In any instance life is about to become a living nightmare starting next Tuesday evening.

3. Supporters

Supporters out in force to celebrate 

"I heard they are training well the last few weeks, must be that new strength with conditioning training I've heard they are doing - if you ask me Billy it's nonsense"

The village is full of optimism as usual at the start of the year. It has been years since a trophy has been paraded through the village complete with articulated lorry to rejoice the heroes of the hour. This year rumours of 'new training methods' being introduced and have spread like wildfire. Everyone is keen to add their two cents worth with many lamenting on the older methods such as running laps as methods that worked well back in the day. 

"What's the point having a big man inside if they are not going to use him" 

Off the shoulder is not looked upon fondly by these purists, especially not this time of the year when fitness levels are at there lowest. They love to see the ball driven long and high to 'the Tower' standing inside on the small square. Players see it as a get out of jail option, management see this as an option when other options are not on but the supporters see it was an under utilised option that could be the sword that this team falls on. You'll often hear them say that he has won every ball that lands on top of him, but neglect to tell you that and ball to the left or right of him has been swept up with relative ease.  

  

Sometime 'inter-county' stardom doesn't guarantee success!

"Is that Johnny on the bench, that's a joke so it  is, shur he's an inter-county player"

 Let's have a look at Johnnys fact file: Johnny is  37, he works in the city, he has 3 young kids  with a 4th on the way, he has trained once since  the start of the year and at that he pulled out after  the third 100 meter sprint, he wanted to retire but  was talked out of it but for the lads outside the  wire the only thing that they care about is that he  played an under 21 challenge game for the  county 17 years ago. 

"Is that young Barry, what age is he? He's what, shur he is just a boy out there amongst animals" 

He's been heralded as a potential future star from the time of his first holy communion when he wore the club colours at the alter receiving the holy sacrament for the first time. Last year he was part of the victorious minor B team which swept all before them en route to league and championship double. He weighs 60kg, he is 5'6" and his pre's start tomorrow. But today he starts corner forward. His mother didn't even come to the game, she didn't even know he was in contention. He doesn't even flinch when handed the jersey - the supporters on the other hand will put their heads into their hands every time Barry goes in for a tackle. 

"A win is a win I suppose"

There are some people who are never happy. Despite 9 years without a victory over today's opponents, and after losing three players to injury during the game, blooding three new youngsters and playing against a biased ref we manage a miraculous 1 point victory. Even this won't do as we didn't play like the Kerry teams of old! 

OFFICE: Not your normal working afternoon

"Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life."

Over the festive period I came across a movie called New Year’s Eve. One of plots ‘cute little stories’ was that of Ashton Kutcher and the talented Leah Michelle (leading lady from Glee). They got stuck in an elevator on New Years. That left then in the uncomfortable position whereby they were depending on people outside putting 2+2 together and getting 4 to rescue them. It got me thinking of that one time when I got stuck in a bathroom while at work…..Let me explain.

Entertaining stories in your standard office environment are usually few and far between. For most, hours, days and weeks will pass where very little will happen in the office that will get the pulse racing. You’ll come in, have a cuppa tea, work for a while, have more tea, then work until lunch, have a quick cuppa to wash it down, do a little more work before heading home. Nothing wrong with it of course, after all, it is what we signed up to.

I remember one afternoon breaking this cycle. I was working with a colleague at client site in Cork. We were provided with the use of a portakabin which itself was located in a large abandoned warehouse. The warehouse was used for storing old construction equipment which was no longer being used because the property bubble had burst. Everything was going according to plan as I headed towards the bathroom shortly after lunch. Like any other normal and well-mannered individual I locked the doors behind me before going about my business. This is where the story starts – the bloody door would not re-open no matter how hard I tried. Lightbulb moment and I recall the client mentioning something about one of the two doors being dodgy in the bathroom when we met him that morning! Bit late for that now. 

At training the week we were told how to solve problems by thinking outside the box. "You have to be creative and ask yourself is there another way around a particular problem" was quoted a number of times by the presenter. Somehow, I don't think he was thinking about a situation like this!

I had let my phone at my desk so making a call to my colleague was out of the question. There was a little window in the bathroom but that faced out into an empty yard which looked desolate and in need of a good weed killer. Could I fit out the window? No chance, that hot chicken roll at lunch made sure of that. Roaring was not going to work as it was a bathroom in the far off side of the aforementioned massive abandoned warehouse. Kicking down the door? I thought about it but I was a professional working on a clients site – I couldn't do that!! Also got to remember that I am not the strongest of individual and even if I decided to kick it down I probably wouldn't be able to.

While stuck in the bathroom I learned a good deal about myself;

• Firstly, while I had managed to leave my phone on the desk I did manage to bring a pocket calculator to the bathroom with me. Typical bloody accountant. Of course I started to play with it and see what words I could make by typing in digits and then turning the calculator upside down. That bit of fun lasted a whole 5 minutes. 
• Secondly, I started to think about how I would survive in here for a night if worse comes to worst. My food options were a bar of Dove soap – which I was happy with rather than those cheaper options and some toothpaste which I assume was used by an employee at some stage. To be honest it wasn't a bad selection if it got to that. I opted to wait a small bit longer before tucking in. 
• Finally, I thought about how I would get a message to the outside world in these circumstances. How would I let my parents know that I was alright? How would I tell the GAA club that I’d be missing training? What about the lads I was renting with – it was Wednesday wasn't it, damn it was my night to cook, and they would be pissed.

The minutes passed and still no sound or movement on the outside. A crow did perch about 20 meters from the window but my attempts to cajole him were to no avail as he just flew off, probably to tell his crow buddies that there was some ape stuck in the bathroom. Bloody crow! Then again, even if I managed to 'cajole' him whats in gods name would I have done then?? I was under so much pressure now that I had the tie off. It wasn't quite the time to put it around my head in Tarzan style just yet though. Roaring wasn't helping – I was actually getting hoarse. I suddenly felt my throat become a little dry, soon I would need water. It was a first world problem I was having, a tap alongside me that I didn't dare drink from for fear of where it was coming from!

I now wish I had read that book, 127 hours, whereby an individual spends ages stuck down a chasm in Utah after going out for a run in the outback. He was basically stuck between a rock and a hard place and managed to survive, albeit by eventually cutting off his hand. I was starting to see similarities. I'm sure there would have been some good survival tips in that. 

Just as I was cutting the soap up into smaller little parts that I was going to ration and eat I heard what could only be described as life-saving footsteps. Someone was out there looking for me. HOORAY! I got up off my perch, ran to the door and with whatever ounce of strength I had left in my body roared my head off while kicking and punching the door. My colleague heard it and approached the door cautiously. She said something which to me sounded like blubber. She returned with two men shortly after who used a crowbar to free me. FREEDOM…….Is this how Mandela felt I wondered? I embraced the three of them before falling to my knees and kissed the ground. Emotions was running high as you could imagine! 

After 27 of the longest minutes of my life it felt as if there should have been a full fanfare on the other side but no, nothing, no ambulance with waiting drip for my dehydration, no TV crews with questions about my ordeal and no friends or family. The two men, my heroes, had already gone back to work. It was just my colleague asking if I was okay and that my manager was coming out to review the work shortly and was in bad form. Maybe the toilet wasn't so bad after all.   

FARMING: When you know Farming isn't for you – HIDING (1/4)

‘HIDING’ is the first in a 4 part series where I examine the reasons why, despite growing up on a farm, determined that it was not the vocation for me.

"Two roads diverged in a yellow wood, and I - I took the one less traveled by..."

The Road not taken by Robert Frost

It’s a sunny but cool afternoon and primary school is over for the day. Not a very challenging day as we spent most of it playing with mala and doing some sums from the famous Busy at Maths textbook. As per usual I’m to be found watching the Power Rangers in front of the TV at 4pm. It was part my usual after school ritual – change clothes – eat dinner – watch TV. I used to love the Power Rangers with Jason, the red Power Ranger, being my favourite. I had all the action figures, had the pyjamas, the bed-sheets, the posters and had even gone to see them Live in the Green Glens arena in Milstreet the winter before. To say I was a big fan was an understatement. Missing an episode was sacrilege.

Therefore when at 4.05pm my Dad came in and asked me to stand on the road to re-direct the cattle down the passage to pastures new I was not a happy camper. This was in the days before some bright spark at SKY had the novel idea of series link. Reluctantly, I took the order and stood on the road – hands folded, pout on my face. ‘How dare he I asked’ as I kicked a ball with temper up against the gable end wall. As I waited rather impatiently for the cattle to come up the road I started to get a bit antsy. ‘What’s taking so long?’ ‘Why would he bring me out here when they weren't ready to come up the road?’ ‘Will I miss the second half of the show?’

Another few more minutes passed there was still no sign of the cattle. I jumped on a nearby pier which was an achievement in itself given my age and size. By jumping up and down I was able to catch a glimpse of my Dad and his farm assistant running around the field hopelessly trying to get the young cattle out of the field.  To say they were struggling was an understatement. They’ll be ages I thought. I’ll just head back inside and watch a few more minutes of the Power Rangers and come out again – he won’t even know I’m gone.

So I headed indoors with a massive grin as I told the babysitter that I had climbed up on the pier all by myself!! To add to my excitement the second half of the show was just starting. After a few minutes of being engrossed in the episode I naturally enough for an 8 year old forgot all about the road and the cattle and my Dad. Similar to every other episode of the Power Rangers they were in the middle of saving the world from disaster. And all was going well for them but things started to take a turn for the worse for me.

Out of the corner of my eye I spotted a rouge animal galloping up passed the house. He gave a quick mocking look in my direction as he trundled on up the road. That’s not supposed to happen I mused. Naturally enough the rest of the herd past the spot where I was supposed to be stationed in their droves. OH HOLY SHIT. Despite the merciless speed that they passed at, to me it was like they were going in slow motion.  To this day them passing reminds me of the ad with all the Ping Pong balls being released down the hill. 

With each passing animal it was like a dagger to my heart! Without understating this……Dad would not be happy! One or two of the animals decided that they would be better served coming into the front lawn and digging that up. At this stage they were taking the piss……literally in the case of one of the beasts.

All of that happened in the space of a few seconds. Then two clear paths emerged......One, the correct one, was to go out and help and take the wrath that was undoubtedly going to come my way but at least be involved in the salvage operation. The second of course was to hide. Yup – I went and hid.

The cattle ended up going into a neighbour’s field where they were finally contained and eventually brought to calm and home to the paddock. The babysitter, the neighbour, the candlestick maker and even one of my younger sisters were involved in bringing them back. She was no more than 5. I was nowhere to be found and that suited me just fine. I decided that my new home was going to be in behind the couch. It was small with very little room for manoeuvre but I knew it was safe as my Dad would never look in there. The fear of his arrival back though had me sobbing like the coward that I was.

Eventually I heard him coming. Thumping, bellowing and roaring. If the giant from Jack and the Beanstalk had met him in his travels he would have run for safety. Into the sitting room. I could smell his anger. I stayed quiet. I heard his roar. I stayed quiet. A second roar. I stayed quiet. He left, I sobbed………well for a few minutes anyway as the Animaniacs were starting at 5pm!!

Part 2 examines STUPIDITY!!

SPORT: Pre-season Training – It’s not all that different to flying!

"If God had really intended men to fly, he'd have made it easier to get to the airport."

George Winters

It’s that time of year again – the commencement of pre-season training for many GAA clubs the length and breadth of the country. The turkey has been polished off, the mince pies devoured, the sherry trifle with ice-cream and warm custard now but a distant memory and the bottles of beer finally put to one side – well for some anyway.

For me, pre-season is just like getting ready for a flight, and just like flying there are a number of challenges that need to be overcome. The questions that are posed by family, friends or loved ones in the lead up to take-off bare an uncanny resemblance to those that should be posed in the lead up to the first night back on field.

It is no secret that GAA players hate pre-season training. It scares the living daylights out of the majority. They know that in the first few weeks the only time they will see a ball of any shape or size is when one of them is sent to the equipment room in search of an extra bib or some extra cones. Its rep after rep after rep of the same run with the odd variation thrown in to mix it up. There will be jumping jacks, squats, push-ups and sit-ups. Bodies are going to ache for days. It will rain, it will snow, there will be heavy wind and the ground will go from being rock solid in places to soft and sticky in a matter of meters. The floodlight (or car lights depending) will work some nights and other nights your imagination will be required as you plough through a secondary field for a few weeks. 

Buckle in as I bring you through the first night back after the winter break.

1.       Preparation:

After a full day of drinking water you leave work/college with a small bit of a pep in your step but also with a very full bladder. It’s been ages since you took on so much water but you have been told year after year that the intake of water is vital. Of course you should have been doing this the last few days/weeks but you have decided to leave it until today to start gulping down the H2O.

Just like checking your emails to make sure of your boarding time you check the club text a number of times to make sure that you won’t be late on the first night. I still have no idea how people get it wrong but there will always be one who will not be able to read the following ‘PHYSICAL TRAINING will commence at 7.30pm SHARP on the field’ and run out onto the field at 8pm, boots unlaced and tying their shorts as they realise the error of their ways. The “I was milking the cows” trick doesn't really fly if you have never milked a cow in your life.

As you approach the field that night you wonder if those few games of 5 a side soccer over the winter have paid off and not forgetting that one night you got a trial run at the new local gym and used the benches for some upper body work. That surely counts for something right? Right? On deeper considerations you know it hasn't. Fear encapsulates you!

Packing the bag is a minefield – especially if Mom is not involved. You should ensure that you have two of everything in the bag as you have no idea what you will be coming up against conditions wise. The passport is undoubtedly your football boots – you can rob a pair of socks, togs and a tee shirt off anyone in the dressing but just like forgetting the passport – forgetting the boots is a big no-no. It is probably easier to tell your girlfriend that you forgot the passports pre sun holiday than it is to tell your coach that you can’t train as you forgot your boots!!

2.       Check-In:

The first night is full of the same old clichés being bandied about the dressing room when you walk in….”Fair play to you Gerry, you’re giving it one more year”, “White boots, who do you think YOU are? They won’t be white for long out there”, “Did your girlfriend buy that top for you” and “Tights, you've changed boy”. It all adds to the atmosphere at the first night of training. An atmosphere that is filled with anxiety and worry about what the next 90 minutes will bring. 

There is, however, an amazing sense of togetherness on that first night back which is heavily vested in that fact that the longer we all stay in the dressing room the warmer we all will be. It’s probably the only time of year that everyone is willing to watch and wait for the renowned slow coach to finish putting on the white socks over the GAA socks and the tape around the wrists. For today we wait for him as a unit as a team as one………..for the rest of the year we tease and mock him incessantly.  

Then there are the younger lads. Ah yes - Some of these boys (they will have to earn the title of ‘lad’ as the year progresses) look so nervous. First time flyers as such. Some would have got a taste of the action last year when we short one or two faces due to a local wedding, but there will be a few new faces here for the first time. I remember my first time flying, it was nerve jangling and exciting all rolled into one. It is fantastic to see these new faces though – well that is until you realise that they are better than you and that #15 jersey that you had for 10 years is now under threat. 

3.       Departure Lounge and Pre-Flight Instructions:

Finally, one of the new selectors will come in and just give a look at one or two of the older lads before roaring on what seems like an airport style tannoy system– “COME ON BOYS - ITS GONE WELL PAST 7.30!!” It’s the final call! That walk to the field is daunting. You know there will be cones there, that’s a given. The questions is – how far apart will they be? You notice that odd new snood, the lad who got a new pair of white Nike boots for Christmas, the lad that forgot his training top and the one or two younger lads who are wearing white/light coloured tops. Mammy won’t be pleased with them when they go home – they’ll learn with experience.

The funniest is the lad who works in a warm office from 9 to 5 every day. He reminds me of that poor man with his girlfriend in the departure lounge who has to wear three jumpers and 2 coats on his way to the Algarve all because his baggage was 2kg over the limit. Just like that man, they won’t be on for long!

A quick greeting with the coach at the gate which we all hope only last a few seconds as it is a chilly -5C in the shade with a north to north westerly wind from the heart of Scandanavia blowing right down the field. The warm up is quick and snappy. As the year goes on there will usually only be one or two sets of water bottles out at the start of training. Tonight there are 5. In fact there is usually extra people from the locality drafted in to assist with the carting of water to the lads for this session. We can take comfort in this as we know that they know that we will need it!

As the warm up concludes with a quick 50meter jog out and back one smart ass shouts from the back “That was a tough session”. It gets a ripple of laughter, some of the younger lads love it but the scary thing is that when you look around and see the agony on some of the older lads’ faces you know that there is a touch of honesty about the little gag. If only management had done their job properly and shown us where the Exit doors were!

4.       Take-Off:

A quick look around and for the first time I really take it all in – It’s the middle of January, its freezing, the pitch is like my brother just ploughed it a few weeks ago and forgot to go back to it, the shrill blast of the coaches whistle send shivers from the ear drums right down to the baby toe, there is not a football in sight, there are at least 50 cones dotted around the field, someone inevitably forgot to turn on the showers before coming out but...........I can honestly say is that there is no place in this earth right now that I would rather be – make sure you are strapped in as the 2015 GAA season is just about to take off.