DEFLATION - PERSPECTIVE - NOSTALGIA - OPPORTUNITIES
This isn't a retirement statement per se. Writing this started off as my way of coping. It was my way of expressing my emotions to myself. But I realised pretty quickly that there were some pretty important messages worth sharing. We hear about inter-county retirements all the time and in the modern day game, the support network through many organisations such as the GPA is being built up to assist these individuals post their playing days. This is only too right. But, what about the majority who are not at that level and either through old age, simply just falling out of love with the game or in my case through injury have to leave the world of playing GAA. What are we going through and how do we cope with a pretty significant change in our lifestyle? I'd like to share how my first week has gone since finding out I will no longer be able to play football.
A week is a long time in sport. This time last week I was after receiving the news that I had to hang up my shiny white football boots and fluorescent pink gloves after playing the game I love for the past 30+ years (I'm told I was doing a lot of kicking in the womb pre-birth so that counts right?). I have just turned 31 and had what I believed to be at least 10-15 good years left in me as a nippy corner forward. Was it tough to take.....you bet!
The reason, well, in short, irreparable damage has been done to my cartilage around both my hips as a result of constant waring from playing football since day dot. Continuing to play could, and probably would, require me to have a hip replacement before my next birthday. As a result of this risk, and based on the surgeon's (Dr Patrick Carton in Whitfield clinic, Waterford) strong recommendations, I have been left with little option but to retire with immediate effect. It also means the official end of my hurling career but that isn't really news to anyone who ever saw me trying to catch a hurley!
This isn't just my retirement, no, it also spells the end of the line for my mother Ann and my aunt Mary, who together kicked every single ball with me over the years!! People often forget the supporting cast but I never will. You could be down in Castletownbere for a challenge game on a Saturday afternoon and there would be mammy Sheehan and aunty Mary, after finding a local topaz to grab a take away tea to stay warm, cheering like it was an All-Ireland final. I always thought I was playing firstly for myself, but the reality was that I was also playing for my family. Hearing them talk and reminisce about my career this week, albeit like I was after passing to the next life and not just sitting at the other end of the kitchen table, was pretty heartwarming. Knowing I made them proud was my greatest achievement.
While I have been down and a bit deflated this last week, I have always been one to look at the bigger picture to put things into perspective. I still have an ability to look after my own health, I have an amazing, supportive and beautiful fiancée who I can't wait to marry later this year and I still have a chance to throw my hand at some new challenge before I become a grumpy old man. There are far too many people, in our community and in society as a whole, who do not have this chance that I have and would be grateful to experience even a small portion of the opportunities & challenges that lie ahead of me.
This last week has also confirmed to me that it's good to cry. I cried. I cried when I thought about what I was going to tell my family and my fiancée. I cried when I was writing down what I was going to tell my friends and teammates. I cried when telling them. I cried an awful lot when I came home that night after telling them. But, I feel much better for doing so and letting my emotions spill out. Yes, I tried to hold it in initially but quickly thought 'why would I leave an archaic ideology about cave man manliness dictate to me that I needed to be strong'. It really is good to cry and its certainly just as good, if not better, to talk. I would implore everyone to talk about your emotions and your feelings when feeling down. I am not a robot. A big part of my life had been taken away from me for good earlier than I had hoped and I was glad that I had people around me that I could talk to.
I have had the pleasure of playing the beautiful game of football at under-age, Junior, Intermediate and Senior level for the past 22 years with both Glanworth and also Avondhu. I remember like it was only yesterday that my grandfather Jim Quirke brought me to my first underage training session in Glanworth aged 9 where I was met by 3 club legends in Ollier Ryan (RIP), Thomas Brennan (RIP) and Noel Sheehan. I remember every minor detail of that day from the kit I wore to the boots I donned, to the weather and even to the drills we did. Even from that age, I knew all I ever wanted to do was play football.
The years literally flew by until I broke into the big boy's team. My career could have very easily taken a different direction though. My uncle Pat dropped me for a North Cork QF v Kildorrery in 2005. I found out at training the Thursday night before the Saturday evening game. It was a game which I almost didn't bother turning up for as I was so angry. It was a good job it rained that evening and I was sent home early from my summer job as I was planned on staying at work with McDonnell and drying the remaining grain. I was literally sprung from the bench at halftime as I had no interest in the kick around. We won and I scored three points. That night he rang me at 10pm asking where I was as the whole team were waiting for me to watch the DVD of the game in the local pub. I was in bed and refused to go down as I had minor training at 11am the next morning. I was still angry!
I was lucky to have some success while playing with the club. We won a county title in 2009. I have never once in my life taken drugs but the feeling that day after winning a title like that has to be worth more than any sort of narcotic fuelled high could ever give a person. I am often reminded of this feeling by my good friend and mentor James Condon who I described this week when talking to him as a person who would sell his grandmother to win another one to bring back that feeling..........he didn't disagree and that's why we got on so well!
The lasting effects of that day though were massive for my mental health. There is an unproven myth that men think about sex every three seconds, well if that's true then I used to think about GAA in all seconds in between. I now live at home and work in Cork. I spend hours in the car each week. Over the years I have found myself on a regular basis switching off from the harsh reality of 'grown-up' life and going back to that day in my mind. I'd apply it to whatever team or set-up I was involved with. The memories are right there at the front of my mind and the craving to get that drug back one last time was one of the key factors in what used to drive me on. It never materialised unfortunately but in my head, I was a county champion with my teammates hundreds of times. You should have seen the celebrations that followed!!!
As I got older I used to get my buzz, my adrenaline rush, not from going to the pub or on a mad drinking session at the weekend, but from coming up to the GAA field, meeting up with my friends, playing a bit of ball and going home fitter, healthier and happier. This satisfied my social needs in a way that is hard to explain.
The messages of support that I have received since I started to tell people during the week have been a massive source of comfort and are worth more than they will ever know. GAA has provided me with more than just teammates, it has provided me with many many friends. This, combined with the incredible support of my family and friends over the last week, is something I am ever so grateful for.
I would, however, like to take this opportunity to warn parents of younger players and kids that burn out and over training & playing is a very real risk. I couldn't be taken away from a pitch when I was growing up but this constant desire to be running around after a bag of air is what finally caught up with me. There are many examples of what I have out there in the public domain these days and I have attached the link to one very public one for your perusal -> https://www.rte.ie/sport/ga
What GAA has given me over all these years is simply unquantifiable. I owe an awful lot for the life lessons and skills I picked up over the years while on the football field. The value of hard work and dedication, the results to be gained from digging deep when in the trenches, the responsibility required from captaincy, the meaning of friendship and teamwork, the unbridled joy of winning and the ability to cope with losing, the business like assets of communication & confidence and the sheer adrenaline rush of doing something that puts a smile on the faces of all those who spent the time to watch you and support you.
I previously spoke publically in Glanworth church, around the time of the gathering celebrations, about the rollercoaster of emotions that I went through after losing a county semi-final in 2013. This last week has mirrored that but in the opposite way. That day we started well, faded and we lost. This last week started poorly with the news but when I consider all of the above, the perspective, the emotions, the nostalgia and the opportunities that lie ahead of me I think I can bless my lucky stars that I have been one of the lucky ones that had the chance to experience all of the above and done it with a big smile on my face. I have been able to play with so many great players (admittedly, some dodgy ones too) and teams over the years at so many different levels and age groups. I got to represent the club I love, my community and my family for so many years and those memories, those moments and even the odd medal or two can never be taken away from me.
That's about it really. The Glanworth lads and management will have my full support for the years ahead and I will be there to assist in whatever capacity I can. They have a fantastic management team led by local lads who have a real passion and drive for success and should they go on to lift silverware at the end of the season you won't find many happier people than me in this neck of the woods!
#HarbourAbu
#HipsDontLie
#WhiteBootsDOMakeYouRunFaster
