FARMING: When you know Farming isn't for you – HIDING (1/4)

‘HIDING’ is the first in a 4 part series where I examine the reasons why, despite growing up on a farm, determined that it was not the vocation for me.

"Two roads diverged in a yellow wood, and I - I took the one less traveled by..."

The Road not taken by Robert Frost

It’s a sunny but cool afternoon and primary school is over for the day. Not a very challenging day as we spent most of it playing with mala and doing some sums from the famous Busy at Maths textbook. As per usual I’m to be found watching the Power Rangers in front of the TV at 4pm. It was part my usual after school ritual – change clothes – eat dinner – watch TV. I used to love the Power Rangers with Jason, the red Power Ranger, being my favourite. I had all the action figures, had the pyjamas, the bed-sheets, the posters and had even gone to see them Live in the Green Glens arena in Milstreet the winter before. To say I was a big fan was an understatement. Missing an episode was sacrilege.

Therefore when at 4.05pm my Dad came in and asked me to stand on the road to re-direct the cattle down the passage to pastures new I was not a happy camper. This was in the days before some bright spark at SKY had the novel idea of series link. Reluctantly, I took the order and stood on the road – hands folded, pout on my face. ‘How dare he I asked’ as I kicked a ball with temper up against the gable end wall. As I waited rather impatiently for the cattle to come up the road I started to get a bit antsy. ‘What’s taking so long?’ ‘Why would he bring me out here when they weren't ready to come up the road?’ ‘Will I miss the second half of the show?’

Another few more minutes passed there was still no sign of the cattle. I jumped on a nearby pier which was an achievement in itself given my age and size. By jumping up and down I was able to catch a glimpse of my Dad and his farm assistant running around the field hopelessly trying to get the young cattle out of the field.  To say they were struggling was an understatement. They’ll be ages I thought. I’ll just head back inside and watch a few more minutes of the Power Rangers and come out again – he won’t even know I’m gone.

So I headed indoors with a massive grin as I told the babysitter that I had climbed up on the pier all by myself!! To add to my excitement the second half of the show was just starting. After a few minutes of being engrossed in the episode I naturally enough for an 8 year old forgot all about the road and the cattle and my Dad. Similar to every other episode of the Power Rangers they were in the middle of saving the world from disaster. And all was going well for them but things started to take a turn for the worse for me.

Out of the corner of my eye I spotted a rouge animal galloping up passed the house. He gave a quick mocking look in my direction as he trundled on up the road. That’s not supposed to happen I mused. Naturally enough the rest of the herd past the spot where I was supposed to be stationed in their droves. OH HOLY SHIT. Despite the merciless speed that they passed at, to me it was like they were going in slow motion.  To this day them passing reminds me of the ad with all the Ping Pong balls being released down the hill. 

With each passing animal it was like a dagger to my heart! Without understating this……Dad would not be happy! One or two of the animals decided that they would be better served coming into the front lawn and digging that up. At this stage they were taking the piss……literally in the case of one of the beasts.

All of that happened in the space of a few seconds. Then two clear paths emerged......One, the correct one, was to go out and help and take the wrath that was undoubtedly going to come my way but at least be involved in the salvage operation. The second of course was to hide. Yup – I went and hid.

The cattle ended up going into a neighbour’s field where they were finally contained and eventually brought to calm and home to the paddock. The babysitter, the neighbour, the candlestick maker and even one of my younger sisters were involved in bringing them back. She was no more than 5. I was nowhere to be found and that suited me just fine. I decided that my new home was going to be in behind the couch. It was small with very little room for manoeuvre but I knew it was safe as my Dad would never look in there. The fear of his arrival back though had me sobbing like the coward that I was.

Eventually I heard him coming. Thumping, bellowing and roaring. If the giant from Jack and the Beanstalk had met him in his travels he would have run for safety. Into the sitting room. I could smell his anger. I stayed quiet. I heard his roar. I stayed quiet. A second roar. I stayed quiet. He left, I sobbed………well for a few minutes anyway as the Animaniacs were starting at 5pm!!

Part 2 examines STUPIDITY!!